lxix

“I wish that I had Jessie's girl. Where can I find a woman, where can I find a woman like that? And I'm lookin' in the mirror all the time, wondering what she don't see in me. I've been funny. I've been cool with the lines. Ain't that the way love is supposed to be?"

-Rick Springfield           

            Brandon Wainerdi’s Sixty-Ninth Irrefutable Law of Life and Love in General: Every single mildly-attractive girl that a certain eighteen-year-old, curly-haired college freshman meets in various social situations and organizations and class rooms is guaranteed to be in a long-term, serious relationship with a muscular, twoyearsolder douche-bag who does not even attend said college, and, thus, said girl is completely off-limits.

                                                                       

·      Addendum 69.1: Said girl could also be just coming out of a long-term relationship with said douche-bag (long-distance, optional) for the Law to apply and, thus, she will “not really be looking for anything right now.”

·      Addendum 69.2: Said girls are caught off guard and mildy impressed and amused by douchey tokens of tomfoolery, (i.e. gimmicky business cards professing certain levels of “bad-assery.”) But only mildly.

·      Addendum 69.3: For every mile walked on immediate campus, a certain eighteen-year-old, curly-haired college freshman is guaranteed to “fall in love” with at least two and at most five mildly-attractive girls getting to class. So this freshman will no doubt find somebody.

           

            Preferably one wearing a Star Wars shirt. But I’m not picky.